Tag Archives: Wanker

Just admit it Davie… You’re toatz gay for Cleggy.

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David Cameron, If I wasn’t already planning to spit on your grave after you snuff it I most definitely am now. Although I’m sure most of you will agree with my plan before you find out why I’m still going to tell you why anyway.

C'mon. Just admit it boys...

This once a cunt, always a cunt, wanker is expected to back the Ban of Gay Kisses on TV before 9pm.

Eh. WHIT?! What good is this going to do anyone? Oh wait. Yeah. THE CHILDREN. We’ve got to protect the children. From what exactly? Catching the gay? I hate to inform you but homosexuality isn’t like the measles. You’re not going to catch it because you witness a Shneck on the telly. If you’re gonna be gay then you’re gonna be gay. Soz.

If you want to ban children from affection all together dae it. Ban KISSING of all sorts on the TV before 9pm but I’m pretty sure your kids would all grow up to be heartless, emotionally challenged cunts. So if that’s what you want for their futures by all means, go ahead. I dare ye.

Sorry Cleggy, If I go ahead with this we just can't be together.

And Cameron, do you not have other, better, things to be focussing on like fucking up the lives of Students and the ‘unprivileged’ UK wide? If this is what you’re doing with your time I think I’m even more worried about the state of the country… If that’s even possible.

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Rape. It’s no a fucking laughing matter.

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This following post may be disturbing and unsettling to some. *trigger warning*

Earlier on this evening whilst I was bored out my brains and couldn’t decide what to watch whilst scrolling through the endless ‘on demand’ progammes my virgin box had to offer, I decided to partake in a little harmless facebook stalking. We all do it from time to time. Looking at peoples pages you forgot existed and what not. As well as it not even beginning to cure my boredom, after a good twenty minutes, I ended up wanting to throw my laptop out the window. Not from exasperation or defeat at not finding anything hilarious to laugh at or anything worthwhile to help ‘better’ my life but because of one single image.

I am not however going to post this image as I happily blocked the person who’d posted it and hope never to pass such horrific imagery onto anyone else. I will however describe in some detail this horrendous photograph. *trigger warning* The photograph shows a young woman being offered a ‘cock sandwich’ as it’s put by a number of US Soilders captioned with a link titled ‘look how badly she got raped’ or something disgustingly similar. The image is blurred out in some parts but lets face it that’s not really doing anything here. The long and short of it is, this image should not have been uploaded.

Apparently it’s not meant to be a ‘joke’ or whatever and is instead meant to raise awareness of rape. Clearly which ever thick cunt’s idea it was to post an image of someone being assaulted to raise awareness is just that, a thick cunt. This happens to many people across the world and seeing even the slightest thing could spark off a panic attack or the like. Seriously, use your noggin and be more fucking considerate.

Go Die.

To cut a long story fucking short. Rape ‘jokes’ are not now, or ever, jokes. They are not funny. They are not ‘lads banter’. They’re fucking horrendous and I’ll happily smash my bottle of Stella over your head if I ever hear one come out your mouth. K.thnx.bye.

Chris Brown, yer naw even close to being a champion.

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I know it’s been out since February so I’m a little late on the band wagon. But whatever. I’m not here to diss the song. I actually quite like it. CRINGE. I am however going to diss Chris Brown and pick apart his lyrical ‘genius’.

In case you’ve not seen it it’s called ‘Champion’ and it’s by Chipmunk ft. Chris Brown. So here goes:

Why does it get on my tits? Ehm, because Chris Brown seems to think that what he did to Rihanna can now be pushed under the carpet and forgotten. That’s why. Now that his restraining order has been lifted he clearly feels so should the ‘burden’. WRONG. That’s not how it works mate. Fortunately. You have to pay for your actions. Unfortunatley, that’s probably never going to be the case. You are going to release an album you are going to continue to be a twat and will probably smack some other girl in the face whilst sprouting your sob story and bullshit to your millions of fans. Boo fucking hoo. Your life is so hard.

However, pushing that to one side here are some of the lyrics Brown sings, plus my thoughts on these amazing words of wisdom.

‘This gon’ be the realist shit I ever wrote
Off the records, no cameras forget a quote’
Good god then. I’d better listen. Maybe you’ll give an apology or something. AHAHAHHA. Who am I trying to kid? Course you’re not. You’re obviously going to tell us about the hard time you’ve had having to deal with this backlash. How stupid of me. *FACEPALM*

‘I used to see my momma getting beat down
Is that the real definition of me now?’
There is no excuse. I am genuinely sorry your mum was abused. But surely that should make you see it’s hella wrong and force you to want to turn out differently. Saying you saw this happen therefore you should be let off on the other hand… Naw.

‘I fell off, back on my feet now
Heading to the sky, can’t even see down.’
Smacking your girlfriend in the face doesn’t class as falling off. It sorta means you were never on in the first place. And no you’re not back on your feet now. You had a hissy fit in a dressing room because you were asked about said incident. Clearly you’re having an excellent ‘recovery’.  Oh also, Heading to the sky… I think you’re a bitty delusional if you think you’re on top of the world, wanker.

Award shows, I pour my heart out
And people still study trynna point my flaws out.’
What part of you’re lucky to be allowed to attend some of these shows are you struggling to understanding. Anyone who hits women shouldn’t be allowed to grab for sympathy because people are pointing out their flaws. IT’S A PRETTY BIG FLAW PAL. Stop yer whining and answer the questions. Take responsibility for your actions and grow the fuck up.

But I’m a champion, legend, history. ‘
Naw your a cunt, a wanker, and will probably be gone in 5 years time.

‘Some people have to learn’
Did hitting Rihanna help that? Did it make you learn? Ken what. I don’t think you have to hit a woman to know IT’S WRONG!

Aww. Am I meant to feel pity for you. GET TAE FUCK.

I reckon you need to learn that you’re not the victim here. The real victim is the woman pictured below. The women you beat up. Now, stop your greetin’ and please do us all a favour by fucking off.


EPIC WINNING FAIL

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Translates to: Wanker from Earth

SHOCK FUCKING HORROR. The Charlie Sheen tour has turned out to be a pile of shite. Gutter.

But, no offence mate. What were you expecting? Something out of this world filled with tiger blood and adonis DNA? A total frickin’ rockstar from mars? If it’s Tiger blood you’re after I suggest you pay £13.50 and visit the local zoo and if you want to find a rock star from mars lets hope NASA start a Charlie and the chocolate style factory competition/ you’re a millionaire and a bit of an idiot.

Now I’d be lying if I say I didn’t find his week of ‘ultimate stardom’ hilarious at points, however, I’ll admit that it makes me quite the cunt. The man is clearly going/gone mental. I think it’s probably the latter. And not that I want to go into it to much but a sexist, abusive wanker. ANYWAY. I digress.

Apparently the show’s been getting awful reviews, such as, an “unmitigated disaster” – OMG. NO FUCKING WAY. I thought it was going to be a well thought out, rehearsed masterpiece. Of course. Why else would you pay £46.50 a ticket? Not because you’re a stupid fuck. Of course not. No.

The audience were reported to have started leaving after 15 minutes chanting ‘REFUND’. Soz pal but if you were expecting some new comic lines and unheard hilarity you were never going to get them. Know why? His week of mentalness wasn’t a show, it wasn’t made up and it was in fact probably him needing sectioned. You also expected to hear the ‘truth’ from a man who believes he’s a Vatican assassin. Really? I’m not sure who’re more mental. You or him.

Maybe I should feel sorry for you but then again, why should I? You were fool enough to spend your money on an unstable nightmare man who lets be honest was never going to produce anything that you can’t already, if you must, find FOR FREE on youtube. And sheen does make one valid point – “You paid your hard-earned money without knowing what this show was about.”

If I were you I’d just be ‘happy’ he even showed up at all.

Do your brains live in your bollocks?

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To any man saying ‘How would you know if childbirth is worse than being kicked in the nuts?’. You’re right. I don’t. But neither do you. However, how many men do you know who needed gas and air and hospitalisation after a swift kick to the gonads? GET TAE.

The latest fad on Facebook is this question section. Stupid as fuck and rather pointless but today I came across a question with over 70,000 voters and some of the most ridiculous comments I’ve ever read in my puff. I don’t know if what’s being said or the fact that they think they’ve made a valid argument is funnier. The question being:

‘Which hurts more?’

  • Giving birth?
  • Being kicked in the balls?

As it stands now the current stats are 26,464/59,317. But lets face it this question is never going to get a legitimate answer, it’s basically a battle of the sexes. As I’ve said above, I’ve never experienced either and I’m not here to try and preach my pain and tell you my story. Cause I don’t have one. Instead I want to piss myself laughing at the ‘valid’ arguments most men answering this question have put forward. I’d quite like to smack them the face with a hammer but I’m not sure that would end well for me. Unfortunately.

How many men are in this much pain for hours on end?

So here it goes:

‘most of these girls havent even given birth, so they havent experienced EITHER!‘ and ‘i don’t understand how so many girls who have never even gave birth can add their opinion…’
-These ones really gets on ma tits! GET TAE FUCK. I doubt you have to push a baby out of there to know that’s gonna hurt like hell. Tell you what, I have to vomit and curl up in a ball of pain for a week every month just to allow child birth to even be possible in later life. If that hurts I’m pretty sure child birth isn’t going to be a walk in the fucking park. And I’m also pretty sure that the 57,000 wankers who answered with b) haven’t all been kicked in the baws. But that doesn’t matter does it? They’re still OBVIOUSLY right

‘If pregnancy hurts more, then why do women want more babies after? You dont see us men asking for another kick in the bollocks afterwards :)’
– FUCK OFF. Firstly the two things couldn’t be less linked in that aye you don’t get anything decent after a swift kick to the bollocks but pushing that aside seriously why do you think women do it again. It’s totally got nothing to do with the fact it’s gonnae result in a child they’re probably gonna love. Course not. It’s cause it’s EPIC FUN and the best party ever. Gutted you can’t join in the fun.

‘You can get kicked in the balls no matter what the age….’
– LOL. Your point is entirely pointless. Well done.

‘Most women actually want babies. No man wants to be kicked in the balls. So it’s a retarded question. Deal with it women.’
So rather than blaming the ‘SILLY WIMINZ’ as the linking comment to this suggests you should why not blame the MAN who clearly created this ridiculous and god awful question before I find you and drop kick your face into the kerb.

‘Being kicked in the nads isn’t just physically painful, its a pride killer too =(‘
– Get over yourself. Giving birth isn’t just physically painful, it’s a fanny killer and a life as you know it killer too.

‘Half the people who voted “Kicked in the testicles” probably have never been kicked in the testicles. And if they have, they probably deserved it.’
– Now this guy I like. Kudos. But unfortunately there’s only a handful of guys who seem to get it and not let it dent their ‘pride’.

‘Both’
– This guys good. He’s right they both hurt. As much as you probably don’t believe it guys I’m not trying to say getting smacked in the nuts doesn’t hurt.

All this question really proves is there are more men on Facebook or that because you tell us we’ve no right to answer since we haven’t experienced it we’re banned. There’s no proof any one of you have been kicked in the bollocks but your arguments are allowed to stand regardless. However to try and put this into a language you thick cunts might understand. WOMEN CAN AND DO DIE FROM CHILDBIRTH. End of fucking argument.

Eh… The cooncil called, they want yer hoose back.

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Take yourself back to the summer of 2008. Apart from pretty decent weather and the fact I got to go on a summer holiday there was another, pretty momentous, reason for it to be remembered. The Beijing Olympics. But the problem is, I’m not only remembering it for the fantastic ceremonies and most importantly world class sport. I’m remembering the controversy surrounding the building of their Olympic stadiums.

Looks pretty fucking snazzy right? I bet to you it does. But imagine being one of the thousands of people forced out of their homes and off their land to make way for 16 days of WOW factor. I bet you wouldn’t even be able to stand the sight of the thing. That is, if you ever get the chance to see it in person. What with being cleared up off the streets and all.

Now I bet you’re wondering why I’m writing a post about something that happened two years ago and well to be honest is pretty much seen as ‘old news’? Well fast forward to Glasgow 2014. I can’t tell you what the weather’s going to be like and who knows if I’ll go on a summer holiday, but one thing that’s for certain is Glasgow is going to be the next host for the Commonwealth Games. But what’s this got to do with the Beijing Olympics? Well, other than the fact they’re both massive sporting events. Eviction.

For your information. The logo looks like shit.

Yep. Our country is in fact quite the fucking hypocrite. You couldn’t stop explaining your anguish and shock at the poor people being unwillingly forced out of their homes and away from friends and family, to make way for a structure only a certain kind of person would ever be able to make use of. However, guess what. Now you’re doing the exact same thing. Don’t bothering trying to defend yourself by saying that it’s not on the same scale and you’re not trying to evoke a ‘big city clean up’. I couldn’t give a fuck. Eviction is eviction on no matter what scale.

Good on Ya.

So here’s the story: Margaret Jaconelli, alongside her husband, was evicted from her home of 34 years to make way for what? A fucking athletes village. Not only was she evicted from her home, but rather than showing even the tiniest bit of respect by giving her maybe a new, all be it, shitter, probably in the middle of nowhere, flat the council offered her £30,000 to fuck off and find one herself. Now I’m not being funny here but where can you find a home for £30,000? After taking them to court and unfortunately losing, the council did however offer her another £60,000. So now she’s not their business. She’s got enough money to find somewhere, anywhere to live. She’ll have a home. Next story please. But naw. Hold the phone. Just because you have a box to rest your head at night doesn’t make it home. What makes a place home is 34 years worth of memories. Memories the council have destroyed without a second thought. And what for? A place for a few athletes to rest their heads for 14 days. That’s what for.

Santiago Sierra you are a cunt.

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When does art cease to be art? Is it when it’s deemed, to some, to be meaningless? If so, how is this decided? Does art have a time frame? Like a ticking bomb can it eventually blow up into nothing? Is it when the artists in question start to harm themselves?

TOTAL MIND FUCK.

Anyway, although I might not know the answers to any of the questions above, which is almost the beauty of them, I’m pretty sure that my answers to the next questions will be pretty close to correct. In fact, fuck it, modesty was never really my strong point. I’m so certain that my answers to the next questions are correct I’m not even going to bother asking them. If you happen to disagree with the next statement then I think it’s safe to say you’re a sick fucking bastard.

‘Art’ ceases to be art when the artists start to cause pain to others and when the human rights of the participants are disregarded and dismissed.

'I'm a total fucking wanker'

How anyone can look up to an ‘artist’ who’s work is basically based around human exploitation, and wouldn’t exist without it, is beyond me. Which brings me onto this cunt. Santiago Sierra. A Mexican born artist. The winner of the ‘National Arts Award 2010’ and a total fucking bastard. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware most artists are known for their massive egos and generally for being a bit of a tit, but this guy makes the rest of them look like angelic six year old lassies wearing summers dresses whilst making a daisy chains. Why? He picks on the deprived and the less well off. His work apparently reflects his views on exploitation which in my eyes means he pretty much condones it. Let me explain. This massive wanker pays the likes of drug addicted prostitutes enough money for their drug of

Art? HOW BOUT NAW

choice to allow him  tattoo a foot long black line across their backs. Basically forever branding them as Junkies. When confronted about this sick, so called artwork, Sierra tells us that these participants have given their consent, therefore, leave him the fuck alone. How the hell he believes that these women are or were in any state of mind to consent leads me to believe he actually lives on Mars.

However, some, I guess, could say he fucked up, he went too far, BUT NAW, this cunt really is a cunt. Here’s a list of some of his other pieces to prove it to you:

  1. Person Paid to Have 30cm Line Tattooed on Them.
  2. Polyurethane sprayed on the backs of 10 Iraqi Immigrant workers.
  3. Unemployed people sitting in boxes for 30 days paid minimum wage.
  4. Homeless people paid the equivalent of a meal and one nights accommodation to stare blankly at a wall all day.

The List could go on but I don’t think there’s much need for it to do so. I think most of you will now see that there was no need for modesty earlier when I made my statement, and if you don’t? Well, I suggest you quickly step outside the windowless box you live in and open your fucking eyes.