Shove yer Royal Wedding up yer arse.


Britain. Let me tell me something you probably don’t know. Not because it’s not bloody obvious but because you’re blind as a fucking bat.


OMG. Shock fucking horror. It’s such a surprise that isn’t it. Since clearly everyone loves the Royal family and all the pish that comes with.

Should probably have these available to all free of charge.

Now, if I push to the side the fact that I couldn’t give a flying fuck about some Prince and his ‘commoner’ bride or whatever they are, there is actually some real bloody stupid issues surrounding this epicly wonderful event. What are those issues? Hmmm… here are just a handful:

  1. Education. It’s apparently meant to be important. But since the Royal Wedding has now been turned into a bank holiday school kids in Glasgow anyway will only be in school in April for a grand total of 6 days. WOW. And not even 6 consecutive days. BRA-fucking-VO.
  2. i) Money. Apparently this event is going to bring us in £900 Million quid from idiots buying tripe like commemorative tea towels, condoms and thimbles. Whoopdy fucking do. But we’re set to lose £5 BILLION because of lost working time. Now I might not be Einstein but them stats are, eh, how to put it… NOT GIID. Dozy cunts.
    ii) I wonder who is paying for this event… Oh yeah. Us. MMM TAXES. The cost of the overall wedding is still unknown but security for the event is costing somewhere between £2-80 MILLION. For that I’d expect to see them strolling up the aisle in a fucking force field.

    Can't touch this.

  3. Drunken Monkeys. If you think we’re a boozing country now… just you wait. Most of us will use the event to get Royally shit faced, excuse the pun, playing some drinking game of doom. So enjoy spending even more money ‘controlling’ those passed out in corners and fighting anything with a pulse.

So aye. Go and shove your Royal Wedding where the sun don’t shine. Cheers.


4 responses »

  1. Cheer up love… It does at least mean that us boring old folks with a 9 – 5 get a day off… I’m glad of any unexpected holiday and will use it to go see Katie for her birthday 😀

    • Don’t tell me to ‘Cheer up’. I’m not un-cheery. I’m just annoyed. And rightly so.
      So will I if I can afford it because I won’t be getting paid.

  2. I agree with much of what you say. It is downright offensive that Miss Middleton is supposed to be a “commoner”, has she been bought up in a council house? Eaten years of processed food for dinner because healthy stuff’s too expensive? Had to get into a used bath because the water bill’s gone up & her family can’t afford to install a shower? I have my doubts.

    1. I’m missing valuable education time on Friday 29th; that’s 4 hours of revision lectures I’m never getting back, so close to exams – especially since most of my classes are Monday/Friday only, in a month ridden with bank holidays. Now I’m no marriageologist, but I reckon that they could get married on a Saturday.

    2. i) There’d also be far less than £5 billion lost if everyone were to down tools & gawp at televised processions on a Saturday instead of a Friday. To me, the whole thing smacks of a set of keys being jangled before Britain – we’re told to be happy and look at the shiny, to accept that this wedding next Friday, last October’s luxury liner named after her maj, and the horrible “savings” being inflicted across the country at the moment are all examples of austerity Britain.
    ii) It’s nice when people volunteer to help out with a wedding, to arrange the flowers or book the entertainment. It’s not so nice being volunteered to pay. Still, what would the taxpayer do with millions of pounds anyway? So long as they can afford a commemorative egg whisk, there’s no way they could be at all unhappy. Although admittedly I’d be disappointed if there weren’t some sort of Royal Sniper Squadron up in the rafters or the belfry or whatever you get in churches.

    3. In all fairness, I find it much easier to shout abuse at tv coverage after a glass or three of finest rosé. However I will not be overly celebratory about having another April day stolen from me. Not overly celebratory at all.

  3. Braaaavo! This artical shows what the real people think.
    I take my hat of to you, why are some people so blind? Is it because they see a day off? Oh yes, I think it does. I suppose this wedding is the only time there has not been in-breeding. The fact that I work to the extreame to get my pay pack only to get taxed, and for the tax to be spent on something I see as being a crock of shit, pisses me off.
    If they want to get married, do it in the fecking palace behind closed gates where no one can see your ugly faces.

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