Why don’t you get back into the kitchen, eh?

I do not care what you, or any other dumb fucks have to say on the matter – statements (intended to be jokes) aimed at the stereotypical ideas of women are not jokes. If we take offence to them it’s because you’re belittling us, and all other females – you have no right to say ‘calm down, it’s only a joke’ or anything remotely similar.

It is not up to you what we find offensive. And it’s not up to you to tell us how you would act better if you were in the same situation. Why? Because you are not a woman. If you’re a male (especially a white heterosexual male) you need to step up and see your privilege. There is nothing anyone could say to you that comes close to any of these statements said to women on a daily basis. 

• You never have to worry that the person who’s been walking the same direction as you for about 10 minutes at night, might actually be following you.
• You never need to deal with people thinking it’s acceptable behaviour to roll down their car windows or turn around in the street, and either whistle or shout something about you being ‘bangable’ or a ‘wee slut’.
• You never have to deal with some men thinking they’re allowed to touch you whenever they want.
• You never have to worry about asking someone to back off when they’re gyrating their bits around your general arse area in a club.
• You never have to worry about being groped and told to take it as a compliment.

These are just some of the things men take for granted. So don’t you dare tell me (or any other women) we need to ‘calm down and take the joke’ or ‘take a chill pill’. I have a fucking cracking sense of humour, but when you’re ‘jokes’ belittle me, and an entire gender, it’s time for you to realise there’s only one person who needs to change, and that person is you.

Choose CHOICE

I am an idiot.

It’s always upsetting to see people Pro-Life protesting, but when the people protesting are part of the younger/my generation it pisses me off even more. Not only are these protesters young, they’re at university. How can you be educated and still promote this pish?!

I’m going to be quite blunt here, but I’m doing it because I am right. 

WOMEN SHOULD BE ALLOWED THE CHOICE TO KEEP OR ABORT THEIR UNBORN CHILD

I don’t understand why shit loads of people can’t get their heads around this really simple fact, but just incase you fall into this idiotic group of ignorant muppets I’m going to explain why being Pro-Choice is right. 

Pro-Life arguments that I am now going to enjoy ripping fuck out of:

1. We have to be the voice for that helpless, unborn child. – What about the voice of the woman, eh? When women find out they’re pregnant, that ‘child’ you believe needs a voice is currently the size of a bean. It’s needs do not come into effect until the needs of the women/possible mother to be have been addressed. Her opinions on her life aren’t to be pushed aside because there’s now a ‘more important life’ to think about. When did you decide this bunch of cells were worth more than an already human life? I am aware that you can have abortions at whatever point in your pregnancy but this does not and will not ever change my opinions. At any point in her pregnancy the woman can decide, for whatever reason, that she does not/ can not have this child.  Why? Because it’s her body and it’s her life.
2. You shouldn’t end life. - Unwanted pregancies/children end lives. Why do the lives of the women get pushed to the back burner the minute people become aware she’s pregnant? Her life does not simply become meaningless because there’s something currently growing inside her.
3. Abortion is child abuse. - Nope.
4. God disagrees/The Bible says - Bitch please. I am not going to listen to what a man in the sky/ a book written thousands of years ago by a bunch of men maybe says over a real human being, with real thoughts and feelings.
5. You don’t have to keep the baby, there’s always adoption. - What if they don’t want to go through pregnancy? There are risks, complications and life changing things that happen during pregnancy. You can’t continue your life. It seriously fucks shit up. Not to mention the emotional and psychological effects carrying a child you never wanted for 9 months.
6. If you didn’t want a child you should have been more careful and taken precautions. - This one pisses me off a shit tonne. Birth control is not ever 100% effective. Accidents sometimes happen. People sometimes forget. Sex is not just a means to make a child. Sex is something we do for fun, it’s enjoyable, it can and should be allowed to be care-free. If you’re going to tell me otherwise I’m presuming it’s because you’re religious and you’re going to pull the God/Bible card on me, so please re-read point 4. Another thing that angers me about this opinion is What about in cases of rape? You surely can’t tell ALL women they should be on the pill just incase someone decides to sexually assault them. Can you imagine having to carry around/ bring into the world YOUR RAPISTS CHILD? I shudder at the thought of it.
7. Women who choose abortion do not understand what they are doing. - Just because a woman doesn’t share your views on something doesn’t mean she doesn’t know or understand what she’s doing. How insulting can you be? Your opinions are not right for everyone. This does not make anyone who disagrees with what you would do in this situation wrong. It makes them human.
8. Abortion frequently causes intense psychological pain and stress. – Carrying a child around in your tummy, you don’t want/ can’t afford to have causes intense psychological pain and stress.

I imagine most the people carrying those signs up there would throw that motto, along with that smile, to the kerb if they ever had to deal with an unwanted/un-planned pregnancy.

I would never tell a woman who was about to go through labour how to do it right and I imagine none of the kids holding those signs would either. Why? Because regardless of how you think you’d cope with the situation, if you’ve never been through it how can you tell someone what’s best? And do you know what? Even if you have, you cannot tell someone other than yourself how best to deal with it. Everyone is different, everyone copes with things differently and everyone is entitled to do it their way. There is no difference in the logic used here to the logic that should be used regarding the choice to have an abortion.

Regardless of whether you’re 14, 16, 45, married, single, in a relationship, a high-flying business woman, a student, a single mother or a mother, it is your body and you are allowed to choose.

EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO CHOICE

I’m a lesbian. Not a fucking unicorn.

Contrary to popular belief, lesbians are not mythical creatures – they’re not there for you to ogle over. They’ve not been put on this planet to help you whack one out whilst you stare at your computer screen either. I’m aware this contradicts what the porn industry feeds you, and I’m sorry to break your bubble but we’re real people and it’s about time you realised.  The reason I’m saying this is because I’m sick and tired of men and they way they often behave around gay women.

Some of the things straight guys say to/at (mainly at) lesbians, that are not now, or ever acceptable:

• OH MY GOD. Kiss again *gets out mobile phone* – Seriously what makes you think that this is any shape or form acceptable behaviour? I wouldn’t ever dream of whapping out my mobile/camera to photograph or film you and your girlfriend kissing. Have some fucking respect.
• You’re not gay. You’ve just not found the right man yet. - This is probably the most insulting thing you could say. How DARE you claim that this person you’ve met for all of three minutes doesn’t know their sexual orientation because they’ve obviously not met the right man yet. Usually they’ll go on to explain that the ‘right man’ is them. I’m guessing they’re hoping you’ll believe their bullshit and get into their bed.
• You’ve not had a shot on my magic penis - I kid you not I’ve had this said to me more times than I count. The first few times it’s hilarious and after than you usually want to slap them a shot. LISTEN UP:  You do not have a magic penis, and even if you did you’re not going to get me on it. Give up. It seems that after a few drinks ‘No’ seems to be quite a hard word to understand, so you usually have to deal with this idiots presence for 10-15 minutes until they realise they really don’t have a chance and move onto the next unsuspecting woman.
  The amusing thing about this one is I’m sure it’s happened to me more in GAY clubs than any other. It’s like they set themselves a stupid challenge or something.
• Want a threesome? - With you? Strangely enough – No. Don’t believe everything your porn stash tells you. If there’s a dude involved, I’m not in.
• Can I watch? - Fuck off.
• But you can’t have sex if you don’t have a cock. - You’re right, I don’t have a cock. 5 points for being so observant! However, I now feel for any woman you’ve ever/are ever going to sleep with if you think you only need a cock to make a woman come.
• You’re too pretty to be a lesbian – Lesbian doesn’t mean Butch. Lesbian means girls who like girls. Straight folk don’t all look the same – chances are that means gay folk don’t all look the same either.
• What are you looking at my girlfriend for? Want a fight? – The minute you’re identified as a lesbian some guys just can’t handle it. They think you’re damaging their masculinity or something. The fact you are actually a girl goes straight out the window and they’d happily beat the crap out of you to ‘prove they’re the big man’.
  The time this happened to me I was out with a bunch of friends. I knew his girlfriend and had just complimented her dress and asked where she got it from. This obviously translates to OMG YOU’RE CHATTING MY GIRL UP as lesbians clearly can’t be interested in girl things like clothes – especially dresses.

I’m aware a lot of people are going to read this and tell me to calm down or take a joke, but that’s just not acceptable. Soz. I am not in the wrong for telling people they are in the wrong  for doing any of the above. Respect that, ta.

Who sits in the daily mail offices these days? Wall-to-wall self-righteous wankers.

Avert thine innocent eyes.

Until about four hours ago, today was going rather well. That was until I read this piece of garbage and choked on my last dorito. Not only was I angry because a man with a face like a melted welly had ruined my final crisp but more importantly because such arrogant, self-righteous wankers are still allowed to publish articles blatantly sprouting their own shitey opinions on matters that don’t, and probably won’t ever personally affect them. This toss pott, who more commonly goes by the name Brian Sewell, apparently believes that soaps are now only ‘Wall-to-wall gays, transsexuals, transvestites and teenage lesbians’ and that ‘the sane man may feel his nose is being rubbed in it.’ If  by the sane man Sewell is reffering to himself alongside all other heterosexual males I seriously hope someone picks him up pronto and dumps him at the door of the nearest mental institution. It’d be for his, and more importantly, our own good. I will now take great pleasure in ripping his piece of shit opinion to shreds.

• “For fully half a century,  Coronation Street has formed the nation’s view of Lancashire. Life is gritty; men are tough; in their devious ways women have achieved equality — if not downright dominance — and society is sterlingly working-class.” - Women have reached equality? In fact scratch that.. apparently we’ve achieved dominance?! I’m not quite sure if I should piss myself laughing or throw something heavy in the general direction of his face. On the programmes own website I’m struggling to find a male character profile who’s ‘likes’ don’t consist of ‘The ladies’ whilst on the other hand I’m finding it even harder to find a female character who doesn’t like to either gossip or be noticed. Since obviously that’s all women live for after all.

• “Today, however, the soap that was once pure Salford…has departed from reality.” - For this I don’t even need to write my own response. The top comment on this atrocious article says it all. ‘Ha! One small northern cobbled street – multiple murders, numerous rapes, child abductions, serial affairs, crazy killers, tram explosions, factory fires – but the gradual introduction of a few gay characters suddenly makes it ‘unrealistic’? What planet is this guy living on? LOL!’

• “Today, all the characters are showered, prinked and perfumed — particularly the men.” - God. You can nearly feel his tears. WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED TO THE MANLY MAN?! Ehm. Whatever.

• “Are these well-washed denizens of the Street really the ordinary people there, leading their ordinary lives?” - Well let me see… since it’s a soap opera I highly doubt it. I don’t really think Corrie is an accurate view on a real place. So it’s probably not people leading their ordinary lives. Sorry to burst your wee happy Corrie bubble Brian. If I hadn’t used them all cleaning up the water I spat out whilst reading most of your comments I’d send you a tissue so you could dry your eyes. My apologies.

• 

  WRONG. AVERT THINE INNOCENT EYES.

  “Is it true that the lives of heterosexual Mancunians are haplessly intertwined with transvestites, transsexuals, teenage lesbians and a horde of homosexuals across the age range?” - It might surprise you but members of the LGBT community exist alongside heterosexual ‘normal’ people. You see that’s the ‘beauty’ of the human race. We’re all different but inhabit the same place. Gay folk aren’t like lepers. They don’t form a community away from the ‘normal’ members of society in order to receive special anti homo treatments. Probably because there’s nothing to treat. I suggest you remove yourself from the windowless box you currently live in and open your fucking eyes.

• “Where once we had no gaiety at all, we now, perhaps, have rather too much.” - But of course heterosexual sex should be allowed to dominate our television for the rest of eternity. Unlike the gays, the straights obviously won’t harm our children. “Among the main cast, we have lesbian teenagers Sophie Webster and her girlfriend Sian Powers…” - Okay. What’s out of the ordinary here? We have lesbian teenagers? Yes. Well done. You’ve established that people can know they’re gay from a young age. Kudos. It’s NORMAL. “There’s also homosexual Sean Tully…who is set to tie the knot with boyfriend Marcus Dent later this year in what will be the show’s first civil partnership.” - Bet there wouldn’t be an issue if Sally was to marry Kev or whatever. But guess what. Men marrying men is NORMAL. “And middle-aged cross-dresser Marc Selby who was involved in a love triangle with hairdresser Audrey Roberts and her glamorous friend Claudia Colby..” - The only thing that annoys me about this statement is that most trans or gay characters are always involved in storylines to do with three way relationships or anything else that can be deemed out of the ordinary. They’re never just allowed to exist for who they are. None the less the character is still NORMAL.

• “There are also countless peripheral gay characters” - There are also countless peripheral straight characters. FUCK ME. How am I meant to cope?

• “There’s too much, not only of gay men — who are estimated to make up just 6 per cent of the population, but who dominate the storylines in the soap — but also of lesbians,  bisexuals, the trans-gender community, cross-dressers and everyone else with some sexual quirk or fetish.” - I’ve already commented on the apparent percentage of the gay population here. But just incase you can’t be bothered to click the link, 6.7% of the population use the gay dating website Gaydar. Now if I’m correct here not every straight cunt out there is using eharmony or the like so it’s quite possible that gay folk are the same. So you can shove your wee 6% statistic up your fucking arse.

• 

  Wait. This shit actually happens? :O

  “EastEnders is at it, too, with, last month, boys in bed together, apparently naked.” – OH MY GOD. SHOCK FUCKING HORROR. Boys? In bed? Naked? TOGETHER? *vomit*. Get a fucking grip of yourself.

• “The dear old egalitarian BBC protested that its policy is  to portray gay and hetero- sexual relationships in  exactly the same way, both equally suitable for pre-watershed viewing. But are they equally suitable? ” – In other words. THINK OF THE CHILDREN?! I hope you’ve no children. I feel for them having to deal with a ignorant cunt for a father. You can’t blindfold your children from reality. These kind of people exist and rightly so. Stop treating them like they’re lesser people.

• “A new book, Primetime Propaganda by Benjamin Shapiro, argues that in California an exclusively liberal TV establishment shapes taste, style, politics and family life and attitudes, complaining that gay writers, directors and actors admit to promoting their own gay rights agendas. ” – If I’m reading this correctly apparently gay people now aren’t or shouldn’t be entitled to the same rights as straight people? For centuries straight writers and directors have been allowed to promote their own agendas but the minute gay writers do the same it becomes an issue. No. Not fucking okay.

• “They favour their own prejudices, be these of minority, race or sexual direction.” – LOL. What a complete fucking hypocrite. That is all.

• 

  The resemblance is uncanny.

  “It fosters all minorities and gives them a disproportionate amount of airtime…— in this land of equal opportunities, minorities are given the opportunity to punch above their weight.” – Is this guy serious? Did he just say something about equal opportunities except some are given too many opportunities? I feel like I’m reading Animal fucking Farm, with Sewell being Napoleon, the fat greedy pig (I’m sure I can see a physical resemblance), stating that humans are equal but some humans are more equal than others. Get off your high horse. You do not have the right to decide who gets to voice there opinion and who should not, so I suggest you zip it.

• ‘Upsets the balance of the Street and abandons the homely, traditional values that have attracted millions of viewers.’ – Cool. Let’s just live a lie then. The gays don’t exist. The LGBT community should totally be shut away in the deepest darkest corners of the world and kept dirty little disgusting secret. A scare story for children all over the world. That’s an excellent plan.

• ‘The audience, fearful of a descent into moral turpitude, must press a button and turn off the programme.’ – I seriously wish I could press a button and turn of Sewell. If only things were that simple.

What’s it going to take for closed minded chumps like Sewell to remove their heads from their arses and realise that not everyone must be like them. Members of the LGBT society do not deserve to be hidden away and these story lines should be allowed on T.V. no matter what time of day. Why? Because there is, and will never be anything wrong with being Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual or Trans.

Also posted by me on SSY blog.

Just admit it Davie… You’re toatz gay for Cleggy.

David Cameron, If I wasn’t already planning to spit on your grave after you snuff it I most definitely am now. Although I’m sure most of you will agree with my plan before you find out why I’m still going to tell you why anyway.

C'mon. Just admit it boys...

This once a cunt, always a cunt, wanker is expected to back the Ban of Gay Kisses on TV before 9pm.

Eh. WHIT?! What good is this going to do anyone? Oh wait. Yeah. THE CHILDREN. We’ve got to protect the children. From what exactly? Catching the gay? I hate to inform you but homosexuality isn’t like the measles. You’re not going to catch it because you witness a Shneck on the telly. If you’re gonna be gay then you’re gonna be gay. Soz.

If you want to ban children from affection all together dae it. Ban KISSING of all sorts on the TV before 9pm but I’m pretty sure your kids would all grow up to be heartless, emotionally challenged cunts. So if that’s what you want for their futures by all means, go ahead. I dare ye.

Sorry Cleggy, If I go ahead with this we just can't be together.

And Cameron, do you not have other, better, things to be focussing on like fucking up the lives of Students and the ‘unprivileged’ UK wide? If this is what you’re doing with your time I think I’m even more worried about the state of the country… If that’s even possible.

Mark Pawson, be my new best friend.

After a tutorial last year at uni one of my lecturers told me about an artist who might be of some interest to me. You see, I have a bizarre fascination with light switches and plug sockets and Mark Pawson made a little handmade book filled with Die-Cut Plug Wiring Diagrams.

I’d never been able to find much about him, since at this point I didn’t have a name but fast forward to April 2011 and we were given an Artist Book talk by another one of our lecturers and BOOM there it was on the table. Once I’d contained my excitement enough to pick up this wonderful object I decided I had to find out more about this COOL FUCKING DUDE. So whilst researching today I came across another book he’s made and…

FUCK ME. I NEARLY DIED OF HAPPINESS.

JUST LOOK AT IT. I WANT THIS. I NEED THIS.

Okay. I’m calm now. But Mark Pawson, wherever you are, you are amazing and have the best taste in the weird and wonderful. KUDOS.

Rape. It’s no a fucking laughing matter.

This following post may be disturbing and unsettling to some. *trigger warning*

Earlier on this evening whilst I was bored out my brains and couldn’t decide what to watch whilst scrolling through the endless ‘on demand’ progammes my virgin box had to offer, I decided to partake in a little harmless facebook stalking. We all do it from time to time. Looking at peoples pages you forgot existed and what not. As well as it not even beginning to cure my boredom, after a good twenty minutes, I ended up wanting to throw my laptop out the window. Not from exasperation or defeat at not finding anything hilarious to laugh at or anything worthwhile to help ‘better’ my life but because of one single image.

I am not however going to post this image as I happily blocked the person who’d posted it and hope never to pass such horrific imagery onto anyone else. I will however describe in some detail this horrendous photograph. *trigger warning* The photograph shows a young woman being offered a ‘cock sandwich’ as it’s put by a number of US Soilders captioned with a link titled ‘look how badly she got raped’ or something disgustingly similar. The image is blurred out in some parts but lets face it that’s not really doing anything here. The long and short of it is, this image should not have been uploaded.

Apparently it’s not meant to be a ‘joke’ or whatever and is instead meant to raise awareness of rape. Clearly which ever thick cunt’s idea it was to post an image of someone being assaulted to raise awareness is just that, a thick cunt. This happens to many people across the world and seeing even the slightest thing could spark off a panic attack or the like. Seriously, use your noggin and be more fucking considerate.

Go Die.

To cut a long story fucking short. Rape ‘jokes’ are not now, or ever, jokes. They are not funny. They are not ‘lads banter’. They’re fucking horrendous and I’ll happily smash my bottle of Stella over your head if I ever hear one come out your mouth. K.thnx.bye.

Shove yer Royal Wedding up yer arse.

Britain. Let me tell me something you probably don’t know. Not because it’s not bloody obvious but because you’re blind as a fucking bat.

MOST PEOPLE COULD NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE ROYAL FUCKING WEDDING.

OMG. Shock fucking horror. It’s such a surprise that isn’t it. Since clearly everyone loves the Royal family and all the pish that comes with.

Should probably have these available to all free of charge.

Now, if I push to the side the fact that I couldn’t give a flying fuck about some Prince and his ‘commoner’ bride or whatever they are, there is actually some real bloody stupid issues surrounding this epicly wonderful event. What are those issues? Hmmm… here are just a handful:

1. Education. It’s apparently meant to be important. But since the Royal Wedding has now been turned into a bank holiday school kids in Glasgow anyway will only be in school in April for a grand total of 6 days. WOW. And not even 6 consecutive days. BRA-fucking-VO.
2. i) Money. Apparently this event is going to bring us in £900 Million quid from idiots buying tripe like commemorative tea towels, condoms and thimbles. Whoopdy fucking do. But we’re set to lose £5 BILLION because of lost working time. Now I might not be Einstein but them stats are, eh, how to put it… NOT GIID. Dozy cunts.
   ii) I wonder who is paying for this event… Oh yeah. Us. MMM TAXES. The cost of the overall wedding is still unknown but security for the event is costing somewhere between £2-80 MILLION. For that I’d expect to see them strolling up the aisle in a fucking force field.
   

   Can't touch this.

3. Drunken Monkeys. If you think we’re a boozing country now… just you wait. Most of us will use the event to get Royally shit faced, excuse the pun, playing some drinking game of doom. So enjoy spending even more money ‘controlling’ those passed out in corners and fighting anything with a pulse.

So aye. Go and shove your Royal Wedding where the sun don’t shine. Cheers.

Chris Brown, yer naw even close to being a champion.

I know it’s been out since February so I’m a little late on the band wagon. But whatever. I’m not here to diss the song. I actually quite like it. CRINGE. I am however going to diss Chris Brown and pick apart his lyrical ‘genius’.

In case you’ve not seen it it’s called ‘Champion’ and it’s by Chipmunk ft. Chris Brown. So here goes:

Why does it get on my tits? Ehm, because Chris Brown seems to think that what he did to Rihanna can now be pushed under the carpet and forgotten. That’s why. Now that his restraining order has been lifted he clearly feels so should the ‘burden’. WRONG. That’s not how it works mate. Fortunately. You have to pay for your actions. Unfortunatley, that’s probably never going to be the case. You are going to release an album you are going to continue to be a twat and will probably smack some other girl in the face whilst sprouting your sob story and bullshit to your millions of fans. Boo fucking hoo. Your life is so hard.

However, pushing that to one side here are some of the lyrics Brown sings, plus my thoughts on these amazing words of wisdom.

‘This gon’ be the realist shit I ever wrote
Off the records, no cameras forget a quote’
Good god then. I’d better listen. Maybe you’ll give an apology or something. AHAHAHHA. Who am I trying to kid? Course you’re not. You’re obviously going to tell us about the hard time you’ve had having to deal with this backlash. How stupid of me. *FACEPALM*

‘I used to see my momma getting beat down
Is that the real definition of me now?’
There is no excuse. I am genuinely sorry your mum was abused. But surely that should make you see it’s hella wrong and force you to want to turn out differently. Saying you saw this happen therefore you should be let off on the other hand… Naw.

‘I fell off, back on my feet now
Heading to the sky, can’t even see down.’
Smacking your girlfriend in the face doesn’t class as falling off. It sorta means you were never on in the first place. And no you’re not back on your feet now. You had a hissy fit in a dressing room because you were asked about said incident. Clearly you’re having an excellent ‘recovery’.  Oh also, Heading to the sky… I think you’re a bitty delusional if you think you’re on top of the world, wanker.

‘Award shows, I pour my heart out
And people still study trynna point my flaws out.’
What part of you’re lucky to be allowed to attend some of these shows are you struggling to understanding. Anyone who hits women shouldn’t be allowed to grab for sympathy because people are pointing out their flaws. IT’S A PRETTY BIG FLAW PAL. Stop yer whining and answer the questions. Take responsibility for your actions and grow the fuck up.

‘But I’m a champion, legend, history. ‘
Naw your a cunt, a wanker, and will probably be gone in 5 years time.

‘Some people have to learn’
Did hitting Rihanna help that? Did it make you learn? Ken what. I don’t think you have to hit a woman to know IT’S WRONG!

Aww. Am I meant to feel pity for you. GET TAE FUCK.

I reckon you need to learn that you’re not the victim here. The real victim is the woman pictured below. The women you beat up. Now, stop your greetin’ and please do us all a favour by fucking off.

VOMART

I wish that when I thought of milk and food colouring the only thing to cross my mind would be baking wonderfully disastrous cakes. However thanks to Millie Brown this is no longer the case. Cheers love. Now I imagine you puking up rainbow milk onto canvases, apparently as a form of art.

This RIDICULOUS performance isn’t even  a one off, not that that would make it much better. Millie is known, or at least wants to be known, as a VOMIT ARTIST. Yes, double take, I did say vomit artist.

When asked how she began her ‘puking journey’ she replied:

‘I had no idea what i was going to do, but I wanted to create something very colourful and unique, then i thought how wonderful it would be to vomit a rainbow.’

Ken whit Millie, yer a dick. You couldn’t possibly just keep the milk in your mouth and spit it out if you really wanted to be a bit of a weirdo, could you? Do you not understand that for a lot of young people, especially women, purging themselves is in fact an illness and you vomiting a fucking rainbow does not better this awful situation. It in fact does the opposite.

In order for Millie to create these ‘masterpieces’ I’m presuming she must starve herself before hand since there ain’t no macaroni cheese or celery sticks coming up in chunks adding to the paintings artistic flair. Good one. Real healthy. Millie, for your information, I’ve seen more artistic flair in a fucking nursery. In fact I’m pretty sure I’ve seen more intelligence in a nursery. Most children are aware throwing up for any other reason than being unwell isnae good for you. Unlike you who believes there are ‘worse vices to have!’ so have never asked for a medical opinion on your habit. Aye, that’s what I’m calling it because it’s exactly that. Regardless of what you say.

Before anyone says, she’s not physically harming anyone and she can do what she wants to her own body. Yes I agree, but Millie doesn’t want to stop at her own body and she ‘would love to create a chain reaction if the crowd could all do their own colour.’ CLEVER. GOOD PLAN. Let’s have everyone vomiting for no reason now. You’ve created a new art trend, vomiting paint. Such an inspiration. Naw, ya cunt. Dinnae think so.

Now, I might not be a doctor but I can tell you, with confidence, that:
a) throwing up isnae good for your insides.
b) you should probably seek some mental health advice. Something’s not quite right.

However, if you folk happen to think this is wonderful pretty art why not go and buy yourselves your very own canvas of vomit. It’ll only set you back £1,500. And Millie, I hope for your sake your ‘artwork’ sells, cause veneers aren’t cheap and I’m pretty sure you’re gonna be needing a set in the not so distant future.